The Devil Wears Armani
by carbonatedfruit
Summary: AU Sakura Haruno doesn't like it when people come storming into her office, demanding to see her boss without an appointment. She likes it even less when Death himself does so. But Sakura needs Tsunade to sign her paychecks, so this big blue guy in the cloak is gonna have to come back another day.


_Started: June 9, 2016_  
 _Finished: June 10, 2016_

 _Sakura Haruno doesn't like it when people come storming into her office, demanding to see her boss without an appointment. She likes it even less when death himself does so. But Sakura needs Tsunade to sign her paychecks, so this big blue guy in the cloak is gonna have to come back another day._

* * *

Sakura didn't like to be asked what she did for a living. The question always elicited a frown from her. It wasn't that she didn't necessarily like her job; it was that she grew wary of it at the end of each week. But of course, no one thought of that when they heard she was the Company Secretary of Konoha Corp. All they could think about was her big fat paycheck. And honestly, that big fat paycheck was one of the main reasons she put up with her alcoholic boss and snobby clients and ridiculous hours. 100k a year was just too good to even _think_ about ditching. And it wasn't that she particularly disliked the work she did. In fact, she enjoyed it, and she was damn good too. She just would've liked it if her boss was a little more responsible when it came to booze, and if the business partners she encountered were a little less like blocks of ice. And maybe if she could wear sweats to work one day a week. That would _definitely_ improve her mood a bit.

"Sakura! I need the financial reports from Shizune, and I need them yesterday!" came the impatient demand through the conference landline on Sakura's desk. Sakura finished scribbling an appointment into her journal before buzzing Tsunade back.

"On it, Shishou."

Grateful for the opportunity to _finally_ get up from her desk for the first time in nearly five hours, Sakura took her time standing and found that she didn't even mind that she was wearing stilettos today. She picked up her business cell phone from the corner of her desk and was on her way.

Sakura's office had two doors, a single bare wall decorated in some of her awards and degrees, and an entire wall made up of windows, giving her a gorgeous view from the fiftieth floor. One door led into Tsunade's office and the other led to the open space of their floor. There were only a handful of offices on this level, all with windows and all belonging to the management higher-ups of the company. Down the hall, Sakura found Shizune's office. Shizune's secretary said that she was in a meeting with someone from Amegakure, but that he had the financial reports Tsunade had requested.

The reports in hand, Sakura took a detour around the floor, stopping by the water cooler for a moment to quench the thirst her morning coffee had left in her mouth. She kicked herself for the second time that morning for forgetting her blender bottle at home on her apartment's kitchen counter. But she also found it easy to blame that one on Tsunade, who had called two hours before Sakura was meant to be at the office and moaned about a hangover and demanded that Sakura come in early to take care of a client. Tsunade had promised that Sakura would get overtime pay, as usual, and Sakura was in her car before Tsunade could even hang up. Only after she got into the elevator did she realize she'd left her breakfast smoothie on the kitchen counter. She liked to drink her breakfast on her long elevator rides up.

Sakura made a circle around the floor, an extra cup of water in hand, before getting back to her own office. At her desk, she rearranged the things in her hands, tucking her business phone into her dress pants, the financial reports under her arm, the cup of water in one hand, and the box of Advil from her top desk drawer in the other hand.

She went into Tsunade's office without knocking; she knew that she'd just find her boss passed out on her desk like she always is after a night of sake, sake, and more sake. And as usual, upon hearing the squeak of the door hinges, Tsunade bolted upright, her eyes half-lidded from sleep and a stray trail of drool on the left side of her mouth. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and squinted.

"Sakura, I thought I told you I needed that report yesterday," Tsunade barked at a volume that was too loud for Sakura's liking and definitely too loud for Tsunade's hangover headache. The wince that flashed across her boss's face confirmed this suspicion.

"I brought you water and Advil, Shishou. And I even moved your eleven o'clock to later in the week. Everything else for today has been fit into my and Shizune's schedules. We just need you to stick around in case we need to make any decisions or in case the board swings by. You know the routine," Sakura said, putting the cup on Tsunade's desk and shaking out two white pills for her boss. Tsunade threw the pills into her mouth and downed the cup of water like it was a shot.

Sakura dropped the empty cup into the nearest wastebasket and handed Tsunade the financial reports for the week prior.

"Sakura, you're a lifesaver. Have I told you this yet? Because you really are. Always saving my ass when I make bad decisions," Tsunade said, looking up from the report at her secretary.

"You only tell me every time you're hungover at work, Shishou. But I appreciate it nonetheless. And besides, what matter does it make what state you're in, as long as work gets done and the company expands? Besides, you pay me for overtime and for acting as both the company secretary and your own secretary, so I don't mind."

Except she did. It really rubbed her the wrong way that she did so much work with Shizune that Tsunade should be doing herself. The double paycheck was nice – not that the personal secretary paycheck was much to be excited over – but it meant she had to be available to Tsunade and the company at all times, not just the eight-to-six schedule she promised in her contract. The number of nights she'd stayed in for work-related issues was getting higher than she liked, and her best friends were constantly complaining that they didn't see her anymore.

But at the same time, she couldn't see herself doing anything else. And she didn't see anyone else as CEO but Tsunade. The man before her had done a shit job, and when Tsunade had swooped in to take his position, the company had been something like a phoenix, rising from the ashes of near-bankruptcy and becoming one of the most successful corporations in the world. Tsunade had saved the company, and Sakura liked to think that Tsunade wouldn't still have her job if it weren't for her. The company board liked to swing by on occasion to see how management was going. For Sakura and Shizune, who worked entirely through their days, this wasn't an issue in the slightest, but for Tsunade, who had an affinity for drinking, this was the worst thing that could happen. The board had only come to visit maybe fifteen times in the five years that Sakura had been working under Tsunade, but it was still frequent enough to keep them all on their toes. Of those fifteen times, roughly half of them had been on days that the CEO was either drunk or hungover. Sakura had managed to convince the board that Tsunade was in meetings or out with business partners on those certain occasions, and it hadn't been that difficult, but it was still a hassle. Having to cover for your boss got old after the first few times. And Sakura had definitely saved Tsunade's ass more than a "few times".

A bleary-eyed Tsunade began to go over the reports, and she shooed Sakura out. Sakura picked up the Advil bottle and returned to her office. She had dropped the bottle into her top desk drawer and sat back down when she noticed there was a man sitting on the couch on the other side of the room. He was middle-aged and decked out in a suit that could've easily cost the same as the laptop on her desk.

"Can I help you?" she asked with a raise of one pink eyebrow.

He nodded. "I have an appointment with the CEO at eleven."

Sakura frowned. "Sir, I already spoke to your assistant; your meeting with her has been moved to next week."

"Yes, I'm well-aware. But it is highly unprofessional to cancel at the last minute and I thought that I should just come in and see her myself." His posture was strict, full of straight lines and hard edges. His expression was so cold, it felt as though a winter breeze had just swept through the room. The hair on her arms stood on end as she met his icy gaze.

"So you thought you could just waltz in here without an appointment, sir?" she asked.

In a moment, he was standing and striding over to her desk.

"Watch your tone with me, _girl_. I eat dinners worth more than you," he hissed. "Now, I _demand_ to see the CEO."

Sakura was unaffected by his sudden change in demeanor. She was used to businessmen with short fuses.

"If you'd like to meet with the CEO, you'll have to schedule an appointment. She's busy and isn't meeting with anyone at the moment," Sakura replied in an even tone.

"Bullshit. I just saw you come out of there with a bottle of pills. Unless the Konoha Corp. is currently taking drugs while she's working, I highly doubt that she's busy. And I doubt she's too busy for me. Do you even know who I am, _girl_?" His face grew redder by the second. Sakura fought the urge to make a face at him. There he went with that word again. Girl. Sakura Haruno was a lot of things, but _girl_ was not one of them. She was a woman by all definitions of the word, and she wasn't about to let some stuck-up man in an overly-expensive suit degrade her with the insult of _girl_.

"Sir," she barely got the word out between her grinding teeth, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave on your own accord. I'd hate to get security involved." The man laughed then, but Sakura thought it sounded more like the bray of a Donkey rather than a laugh.

"Oh yeah? Tell me how security on the ground floor is going to stop me from entering that door five feet away."

And with that, he started making strides for Tsunade's closed door.

A moment later, his arm was pinned behind his back at an angle that couldn't be comfortable and his front was slammed against the wood of the door.

"Oh I'm sorry, _sir_ , you seem to have misunderstood. When it comes to the CEO, the only necessary security comes from me."

It was moments like these that Sakura really appreciated Tsunade. About a month into being company secretary, a situation just like this had occurred. Except Sakura couldn't do anything to stop the determined businessman who was storming into her boss's office. The sight of Tsunade drunk with an empty bottle of sake on her desk had cost the company an amount bigger than three of Sakura's paychecks in order to keep him quiet. After that, Tsunade had given Sakura a wad of hundreds and told her to learn how to fight. It had started with martial arts, but then Sakura found that fighting was a good outlet for her anger and a nice way to stay in shape. She got a gym membership and started learning how to box. Ever since, she had grown into the habit of visiting the gym four days a week to spar with some of the trainers.

And as much as she hated to admit it, knowing how to fight had stopped more determined businessmen than she had ever imagined. This was already the fourth one this year.

Sakura pulled the man's arm higher behind his back, and a squeal escaped his lips.

"I'm going to ask you to leave one more time, sir. I'd hate for you to find out what happens if I have to ask again after that," she said sweetly. He shook his head as violently as he could with his face pressed against the wood.

"Good. I'm glad we're on the same page." The moment she released him, he was practically out the door. As the door to her office swung closed, she couldn't help but call after him, "I look forward to seeing you again sir!"

Sakura poked her head into Tsunade's office.

"Don't worry about the noise. Just another guy who won't take no for an answer."

* * *

It was a Friday afternoon when it happened.

Sakura was on her last _fucking_ nerve.

All week, she, Tsunade, and Shizune had been meeting with the board and other chief officers to settle a series of pending deals and contracts with potential business partners. Sakura herself had been at the office for almost sixty hours already, and her week wasn't even over yet. She could've sworn she found a gray hair among her pink locks that morning.

And then her stupid blender bottle had leaked in her favorite Michael Kors bag on her way to the office and effectively ruined one of the prettiest – and most expensive – purses she owned.

And then, to make matters worse, Tsunade had decided to celebrate the settlement of the contracts the night before and came in, looking like an absolute wreck. She'd mumbled a "hello" to Sakura on her way in, and Sakura's nose wrinkled at the stench of sake on her breath. She thought that would be the worst of it, but then Tsunade had a visitor.

It was in the appointment book, _of course_ , but the description had been vague.

 _Old friend, 8:00_

Sakura had been wondering about it for weeks now, and then the door to her office swung open.

"Sakura! Long time no see! And I notice your tits look perkier than usual! Keep up the phenomenal work, darling! And if you ever want to get with a silver fox, you have my number!" Jiraya bellowed at a decibel comparable to a rocket taking off. Sakura definitely did _not_ have the patience for that.

Jiraya disappeared into Tsunade's office, and unfortunately made frequent trips through Sakura's office to the hallway, giving half-assed excuses each time. But after the second trip to the hallway, Sakura could tell he was just doing it so he could peek down her blouse when he returned to Tsunade's office.

Jiraya stayed for nearly four hours then took Tsunade out for lunch. She looked better than she had four hours prior, but she still looked like death itself. An hour later, she came back with a little more color in her cheeks and barricaded herself in her office, barking an order that she was not to be disturbed for the rest of the day.

Sakura sighed and got to work rescheduling all of Tsunade's appointments for the afternoon.

And she had just finished a conference call when _he_ walked in. Sakura would later describe his strides as a mile long and practically _oozing_ confidence. But she also knew that he, whoever he was, definitely did not have an appointment.

"I'm here to see Tsunade," he said gruffly, and then proceeded to take off his cloak-looking overcoat and toss it unceremoniously across Sakura's desk. The heavy material knocked down the picture frame with Sakura's favorite picture of her and Ino, and she could _feel_ her last smidgen of patience wearing thin by the moment.

"Do you think this is the fucking _Devil Wears Prada_? Who the _fuck_ just throws their coat on someone's desk like that?" She definitely knew better than to curse at work and especially at a client, but seriously who _did_ that?

The man looked her up and down, and she bristled under the scrutiny of his golden eyes. And then she noticed something she probably should have noticed right off the bat.

He was _blue_.

Now, Sakura wasn't one to judge based on appearance, being a woman with ridiculous pink hair, but this was just too weird. Who the fuck was blue?

"I'm here to see Tsunade," he repeated, as if she hadn't just dropped the f-bomb in his presence.

"Well you don't have an appointment, so you're going to have to take your blue self and go back to whatever part of hell you crawled out from." Sakura _entirely_ knew this was overkill, but she was fresh out of patience, and there weren't any punching bags in the near vicinity for her to use to calm down. This guy would have to suffice. In fact, he looked rather amused by Sakura's ending comment. He seemed like he could take the heat.

 _More like he could take me. Take me and maybe ravage me a little bit._

Sakura blinked, totally caught off guard by the thought that had just streaked across her mind. She mentally backpedaled, wondering where in God's name that had even come from. And so she did a full-scale analysis, starting with a once over of this enormously tall man standing over her desk.

Beneath the heavy cloak, he was wearing a three piece suit that seemed tailored to each and every one of his hard edges, and Sakura had no idea how, but she swore that she could practically see his abs through the suit. The jet black color of his clothes really complimented his blue skin, muting it just slightly. The glint of his cuff links was too much to be fake, and Sakura wondered who was rich enough to actually waste money buying diamond cuff links. There was a smirk playing on his lips – oh, God, his _lips_ – and another diamond stud in his earlobe. An _earring_. She'd hated them on guys since the tenth grade when Sasuke had sauntered into first period with a golden hoop in his ear. But this guy totally rocked the look, and she hated him for it. Ino was never going to let her hear the end of this one.

"Listen pinky; I've had a long day, and I really don't have the patience to deal with an angry fairy princess who seems determined to stop me from doing my job," the man spoke again, startling her out of her full-scale analysis.

"Well, _my_ job is not to let anyone into that office, so it seems we've reached an impasse." Sakura decided against starting a fight about the degrading nickname he had oh-so-creatively bestowed upon her.

He scratched the back of his neck, clearly irritated.

"Look," he took a moment to lift up the corner of his coat on her desk to peek at her name plate, "Sakura – real creative name there, by the way – I'm gonna be honest with you here. My name is Kisame, and I'm Death. I'm here because Tsunade's time is up."

Sakura raised a single eyebrow.

"Seriously? Of all the excuses in the world to get into that office, you picked _that_ one? Did you even _try_?"

This guy was definitely just trying to waste her time at this point. Not that she had work she should have been doing, but he was starting to get annoying.

His lips curled into something of an evil-looking smile.

"Pinky, I can promise you that I'm Death."

And with that, he picked up the baby cactus she had on her desk. He pulled a pen from a pocket on the inside of his jacket and lightly tapped the top of the tiny green plant with the end of the pen. There was a sudden chill in the room, and a moment later, the cactus browned and shriveled up in its pot.

"Hector!" Sakura shrieked, grabbing the now-dead cactus from Kisame. "You son of a bitch, you killed Hector! What the _fuck_!"

Kisame blinked. Well, _that_ certainly wasn't the reaction he had been expecting. Sure, he'd expected yelling, but not out of anger. He was more used to screams of fear and maybe the wetting of pants.

Eyeing Sakura's blouse that gave him a perfect look down her cleavage, he decided he would very much like for her to wet her pants, and he wasn't talking about urination.

"You're not scared or anything?" he asked curiously, eyes still trained on her chest.

"Eyes up here, buddy," Sakura snorted. "I've had a long day. I really don't have the wits right now to be scared. All I care about at this point is my paycheck, and I need Tsunade to sign those paychecks. So there's no way you're getting to her. Death or not. And besides, you said you're here for Tsunade, so why should I have any reason to be scared?"

Kisame was surprised she didn't mention the whole "you don't have an appointment" thing again. That kind of seemed to be her thing. He was sort of hoping she'd mention it though. As per usual, he thought of a good comeback after the moment had passed.

And then, as if she'd read his god damn mind, Sakura chimed, "Plus, you don't have an appointment to see her."

Sakura watched as Kisame's lips spread in the most unsettling grin, complete with sharp teeth that she hadn't noticed before.

"I may not have an appointment with her, but _she_ has an appointment with destiny," he told her matter-of-factly.

There was a moment of silence in Sakura's office. She could've sworn she saw a tumbleweed roll past Kisame's feet.

"If I don't have the patience to deal with you, then I _definitely_ don't have the patience to deal with your shitty dad jokes."

Kisame's face fell. She hadn't laughed. There hadn't even been the crack of a smile. And she'd gone so far as to associating him with dad jokes. And somehow, he knew she didn't mean "Daddy" when she said dad jokes. Lord knows he would've melted in a puddle if that five letter word had escaped her lips aimed at him.

Sakura watched Kisame's inner turmoil play out across his face. God, there was nothing more satisfying than watching a confident man crash and burn. In all honesty, it was a pretty good joke, and if she hadn't grown up with Ino as a best friend, she definitely would've laughed like an idiot. But alas, she'd had countless classes with Ino in high school and had learned the art of containing even the most severe cases of the giggles.

"Oh yeah? Well, _I_ don't have the patience to listen to you tell me what I can and can't do." Yeah, real smooth, Kisame. Great comeback.

"That's nice, blue. You're still not getting in that office."

"Are you trying to tell me you'd deny _Death_ from doing his job?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying. Come back another day or something. Maybe when I'm not around."

There was venom starting to creep into Kisame's voice. "Are you saying that I'm _wrong_?"

Sakura gave him a look that said "Yeah, dumbass, that's exactly what I'm saying."

"I've never been wrong, pinky."

"Well, congratulations, blue, because you just lost your wrong virginity. I'm truly so honored to be a part of this once-in-a-lifetime occasion."

And this snarky response elicited a glare from Kisame and in turn resulted in a glare from Sakura. Kisame was convinced he'd win because he'd had countless glare-downs with Itachi back in uni. Meanwhile, Sakura was convinced she'd win because she couldn't count how many times she'd glared Sasuke into submission back in high school when he was an angsty asshole. It was Uchiha-trained versus Uchiha-trained.

No one won in the end.

They were interrupted by the sound of retching from Tsunade's office.

Sakura abruptly stood up from her desk, about to forget about the hot blue guy in the suit to go save her boss's ass for the nth time. Kisame cleared his throat with a very fake cough.

"If you go in there, I'm sure to follow," he told her.

Sakura was outraged. "This is no time for jokes, you hammerhead! Tsunade could be –"

"Dying?" Kisame finished for her. She paused. And he gestured to himself as if it wasn't obvious enough.

Sakura decided she'd dropped enough f-bombs in his presence and went on to curse him out in the safety of her own mind.

"Look, can't we come up with some kind of solution? Maybe we can reschedule or something." Sakura sat back down and pulled Tsunade's appointment book from beneath the pool of material that was Kisame's coat and flipped through the pages. "How about August third? I'm off that day, so you won't have to even deal with me."

Kisame crossed his arms. "It doesn't work that way. Tsunade's time is now." He clenched his jaw, making it even harder of a line than it had been previously, and suddenly Sakura found it very difficult to concentrate.

It took her a moment of stuttering words to collect her thoughts.

"I just don't understand why it's _now_. I mean she's a relatively young woman. Sure, she's got a vice or two, but c'mon, who doesn't?" Sakura found herself practically pleading at this point and absently wondered why she cared about her alcoholic boss so damn much.

"Sakura."

"What?"

"Tsunade currently has alcohol poisoning."

And as if right on cue, there was another rather disgusting noise that signaled that Tsunade was retching again.

Kisame continued. "And I really don't need your permission to get in there. I'm really only entertaining the notion that you have power over this decision because I am a gentleman and I have time to spare."

Sakura was quiet for a moment, processing this.

And she suddenly felt very, very tired. As if all of her exhaustion from the last five years at Konoha Corp. had accumulated to this single moment. And as much as she hated to admit it, Kisame was right. She couldn't win this battle.

She looked up at him with green eyes dulled by this realization. And then Kisame watched as an emerald flame ignited in her eyes for a flash of a moment, and he realized she wasn't going to go down without a fight.

"Listen, over my dead body are you getting in there. Pun definitely intended. But if Tsunade finds out I let anyone in her office without an appointment, she'll kill me. Even if she's dead. That she-devil would find a way to fuck me up in the afterlife. So I'm going to give you two options. Either you choose to be the one who dies today by going in there and suffering the consequences of disturbing her, even if she's on her deathbed, or you leave, pick me up in two hours, buy me a couple of drinks, and you come back for Tsunade sometime in the future. Preferably when I'm not working for her anymore."

Kisame needed a second or two to register what she had just said. And even then, he had to ask for clarification.

He cleared his throat. "Sakura, are you flirting with death right now?"

She grinned mischievously, a playful glow lighting up her eyes.

"Pink and blue? I'm sure we'd make a lovely shade of purple."

* * *

 _a/n: I literally wrote this in the span of about 12 hours on about 3 hours of sleep and then wanted to post it as soon as possible so please forgive any grammar or spelling mistakes_

 _also, as I said in my bio, I used to eat, sleep, and breathe fanfic and then I fell out of it for a few years and the return/completion of one of my favorite fanfics of all time showed up and sucked me the fuck back in so here I am but I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the unfinished fanfics I deleted years ago that had limitless potential. RIP to all those crack pairings. I'll never forget you._


End file.
